WE MET ON A THURSDAY - EXTRACT (COMING OUT)

I am stood at the kitchen counter, pulling the bandage off my hand. Mum is sat behind me with her laptop in front of her.

"You okay?" She asks me. She stands up and walks next to me. She takes hold of my hand and twists it to see my palm. "That looks deep." I pull my hand away from her and cross my arms.

"It isn't bleeding anymore. It's fine." There is no emotion in my voice. "What are you doing?" I ask, pointing to her laptop.

"Trying to get some presentation sorted." She says. "It is a bit boring but it has to be done."

"Okay." I say.

"I haven't been drinking." She is quick to answer and it hurts.

"I know mum."

"How did you get on with Elizabeth? You two haven't spoke for so long. It worries me." For a second, I think she has found out we dated but then I see her face and I realise she is referring to us as friends. I wish I could tell her but I have never found the right time to do it. That's the thing about having to come out. You have to tell people. You tell someone and then you have to tell others and it is so tiring.

"Well, she betrayed me. She finished the friendship, mum." I smile at her to try and show I have moved on. It probably looks so fake but I don't have the energy for it. Mum puts her hand on my shoulder and for some reason I get an overwhelming urge to cry.

"I am sorry. You have Lauren still, don't you?"

"Yeah. Elizabeth wasn't really a friend anyway." Strictly speaking, that isn't a lie. "Am I distracting you from your work?"

"No. No. Don't worry about that. I just want to make sure you are okay. Quira, I know I put you under a lot of pressure constantly. But if you want to talk to me about what is concerning you, I am here. I know something is bothering you." I want to tell her.

"Mum, can you come with me into the living room. I need to tell you something."

"Of course, Qui."

I sit down on the sofa in front of my mum. I can tell by her eyes; she's sober. That makes me terrified. This makes it harder for me to do. I am scared she won't take this well. When she is drunk, she doesn't listen to me. Ever. I have to physically fight her constantly and keep it together. And now? It is just me, mum and sobriety and I don't think I am strong enough to do this.

I don't think I'm strong enough to tell her that she doesn't really know me that well after all. I need Glass. I really need him.

"M-M-Mum." I take a giant breath in and I almost feel light-headed. This is such a crap idea. I literally didn't need to do this. I haven't thought this through at all. Fuck me. I should at least try and get out of this. I can't. Well, this is going to be a fucking disaster. "I-I need t-t-t-to t-t-tell y-you something." She looks down at her hands. She can't look at me. Does she ever look at me? Does she ever really see me? Properly?

"What?" Her voice is different. She sounds tired. Exhausted. "What is it, Quira? If you are not well, I need to know now. Just talk slowly. Okay? Just talk to me slowly." I have to tell her now. I have started it. I have to end it.

"Mum, this is really hard for me."

"Okay, just slow down."

"Elizabeth wasn't a fr-friend to me. We dated. We were girlfriends and we dated. She cheated on me, mum. I am just going to tell you. I love girls. I always have. Mum, I'm a-a-a-a-a l-lesbian. I needed to tell y-you. I-I-I couldn't ke-keep i-it from y-you an-anymore." I can't look at her now. I am crying. Fuck, I am crying. I wipe my tears with my jacket sleeve, trying to get a grip of myself. Fuck. She doesn't answer. She doesn't even ask me anything. Instead? She sighs. Mum actually sighs.

I feel the sofa seat sink next to me and I look up. Mum is sat next to me, also crying.

"Quira, look at me." Mum says. She uses her finger to carefully wipe my tears away. I look at her and meet her eyes. She places both of her warm hands on either side of my face and smiles through her tears. "Listen to me. listen to every word I am about to say to you because I mean it all. I know I haven't been here for you. I know. I know I push you to the breaking point every single day. I can never understand how much courage and bravery you just had to tell me that. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it was for you. But you shouldn't have been scared and you didn't fail there; I did. As your mum, you should never be afraid to tell me anything. You should just be able to tell me without the fear of being hated or unloved or even ignored. If I ever made you feel like that, I honestly apologise from the bottom of my heart.

"I keep failing you and Glass and you two are left picking up the pieces. You and Glass make me so proud and I honestly love you both so much. And I need you to know this. You coming out doesn't change you. It doesn't change your morals or standards. Your dreams or ambitions. You are Quira Reacher, my daughter. This doesn't change anything. All it does it give me a further insight into your own life, and I am here for you and I will do whatever it takes to a better mother to you. You deserve to be happy, Qui. I want you to be happy."

I collapse into her arms. I fall straight into her and I am choking on my tears. She is running her hand through my hair. She is warm and she smells like strawberries; not alcohol. After a few minutes I pull from her hug and smile at her.

"I have waited so long for that." I cry, pushing my hair out of my eyes. "All I ever wanted was for you to say you love me. That's all. People want so much from the world but all I ever wanted was for it make you love me."

"I am so sorry. I really am. I promise you, I will try my best. I promise." She says, placing both of her hands on each side of my face. "I really need you to know I love you and Glass with my whole heart. I don't know what else to tell you. I just need you to know I deeply love you. I am always here, no matter what."

"I-I know and I love y-you mum." She leans into my and kisses the top of my head.

"Elizabeth?" She says, putting her hand in mine. "Your first girlfriend?"

"Yeah." I say. "Until she cheated on me." Her jaw drops and I feel her hand squeeze mine.

"Oh my god. Quira, I am so sorry. Jesus Christ. I should have been there for you. I can't believe she would do that. I am so angry for you." She sounds disappointed and it hurts.

"I got over it. I brushed it off like nothing happened. Probably not the healthiest thing to do but our family aren't known for dealing with problems in a healthy manner. It is why I went to see her before. She told me why she cheated. Apparently, I am missing something that I couldn't give her." She smiles at me, then shakes her head.

"No. She is missing something you have. A few brain cells to begin with."

"Mum."

"Is there any girls at the moment you like?" She asks as she pulls her feet onto the sofa.

"I met a girl in the café. She is called Leora Daisy Van Dyer."

"She sounds fancy." Mum playfully elbows me. "And?"

"And I said I would meet her." Mum grins at me, then leans her head on my shoulder.

"Let me know how it goes with her. She already sounds wonderful." She pats my hand before getting off the sofa.

I have no idea what to do now. This is the first real glimpse of old mum and I am not going to get my hopes up about it.